HEART racing and palms sweating along with a dry mouth, I stood in front of my Slimming World group in Great Sankey and told the story of why I decided to join.

I could no longer fit into my clothes and realised my metabolism had changed and I could no longer eat and drink what I wanted to.

I was nominated the previous week for Woman of the Year by my mum and friend Michelle who know what I am going through yet still come each week to the class hoping I am that bit closer to reaching my target.

I received a text a few days later from our consultant Jenny letting me know I had been nominated and could I let everyone at the class know the following week the reasons why I joined Slimming World and what motivates me.

Being extremely forgetful, I immediately began to type up my speech including how I write a blog each month for the Warrington Guardian unburdening my feelings and fears since my diagnosis eight years ago and all the things I have tried to do to get rid of this cancer.

I included the car crash and how it left me with two brain bleeds, slurred speech, unable to walk properly and my memory being a thing of the past hence my reason for preparing my speech to read out.

I then talked briefly about my year on cannabis oil and how it didn't make any difference to the cancer but the withdrawal symptoms were so horrific now thinking back, ending up in hospital twice, anxiety, panic attacks and vomiting leading to a drastic weight loss.

I chose to skip how Carl (hubby) was almost killed one night after a broken bottle was rammed into his neck missing his main artery by a millimetre and how a brilliant night at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester with my daughters went terribly wrong after a terrorist bomb explosion.

I suppose I skipped them trying to shorten my story and focus on my reasons for joining, yet both incidents left me scarred emotionally leaving me with another mountain to climb.

As I started to recover from the withdrawal symptoms of the cannabis oil, I began to gain weight slowly but then I continued gaining weight until I could no longer fit into my clothes.

Slimming World has given me something else to focus on instead of my household chores and cancer.

Acting 'normal' I come across to others like I don't have a care in the world when in reality, behind closed doors, I often fear the worse.

Especially now having so many worsening side effects from this clinical trial including mouth ulcers, dry eyes, a swollen hand and arm that the doctors are scratching their heads about and the red patch of cancer in my skin slowly making its way up my back and onto my shoulder.

I fear being taken off this trial and having nothing else available or not responding to a new treatment when given.

And then I remember I will not let fear be my driving force.

My kids are my driving force.

My husband is my driving force.

My parents and my friends are my driving force.

The support I get from my Slimming World group is also overwhelming as I received the majority of votes being awarded 'Woman of the Year 2019' and presented with a sash, certificate and an engraved chopping board along with this humbling title.

Containing my emotion (I only faltered a couple of times) with deep breaths and the determination to continue reading until the end, I finished my speech being told later there wasn't a dry eye in the room.

Looking at my life I realise I wouldn't have experienced a lot of things if it wasn't for cancer.

Please don't get me wrong, my intention is most certainly not to glamorise me having cancer as I would trade it in a split second given the chance but I no longer see it as a battle or fight.

Accepting what I have and carrying on regardless, these opportunities and experiences continue to fall into my lap.

I am sincerely grateful for every opportunity that arises and I am even more grateful that unknowingly I am able to express my feelings well through writing this blog, having a way with words that touches others helping lots of people, including myself along the way.

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Because of this I am in the process of creating a website where all my blogs can be found along with other helpful information that I discover along the way so watch this space.

I am learning that maybe I will never get rid of this cancer but I am still ok and able to make a difference in some people’s lives.

Our blogger Melanie O'Neill has two children and was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer eight years ago.